Blogs are a funny thing...

One day, you're all amped to write in them. Then two weeks later, you think to yourself, remember that blog I wrote about my vacation that was "Part 1"? And then I never wrote "Part 2"? Oh well.

My blogs are generally written when A. I'm bored, or B. I'm pissed. Right now, it's definitely A. But it's not just bored. It's like incomplete. I'm just malfunctioning right now on some level, and I can't find it.

I had a great day today. Disc golfed with Teresa (shot terribly, but who cares, it's fun). Had dinner with my brother and sister-in-law. Played some games (NHL 2009 on the X-Box, then some Scene It, also on the X-Box).

I don't know. I'm just not real happy. Shows have been slow (summer usually is very hit and miss). Tour booking is nearly impossible, and pretty pointless. I love Your Best Friend and Koji, and believe in them both, but I'm unable to get good shows for them. I just don't have the time it takes nor the motivation to spend hours and hours contacting 50 promoters/bands per date to nail down what's good. It's a problem, and it's going to come to a head soon.

Outside of my work life, I'm out of shape, and it's not that I feel particularly bad, but I definitely can look in a mirror and see that I'm not going to be able to be what I am now and hope to live until I'm 80. And I love apartment life, but I've lately had slight pangs of longing when I hear people talk about owning a house, having kids, etc. It's weird. It's not at all about having possessions. It's more about having a place where I belong, which is a strange thing for a 30 year old man to think about. I do belong, but it's in a world of teenagers at shows, and in a world of people who are trained to take as money from you as possible (agents and such). Neither of those are places I want to, nor should I want to, hang out.

But all in all, life is still pretty good. Roof over our head. Bills are paid (if barely). Teresa and I are content. I work when I want to work, which is becoming less often lately, which might be part of the problem. I've delegated so much of what we do at Fusion, I don't think it's done as effectively as I'd like, but I don't want to just do it myself. So we kind of sit in limbo, not selling shows very well, and just treading water. And with Irving, my business partner, basically up and leaving the business for me to deal with, I'm not sure what I'm doing next.

Financially, I'm in a tough spot at the moment. The business isn't exactly lucrative (June never is), and I'm taking too many shows that I don't need, just to "help out". I never got paid from the tours I booked in the spring (Brad, if you're reading, send me a damn check, it's not cute anymore). And the tours I'm booking now aren't lucrative enough to be worth the immense amount of time I spend on them. You have to "look to the future", and hope that they're going to pay off in the end, but let's face it, I'm not good enough at tour booking to book a band that's actually drawing big crowds. If you ask me what venues there are in St. Louis, Missouri, a market not too terribly far from here, I could name a few, but I know NOTHING about them.

Anyway, enough crabbing. I think that every 4-6 months, I have one of these days where I simply need to refocus myself on what's important. And what's important is being happy, fit, and keeping the bills paid. Happiness and fitness come from seeing friends, getting outside, getting the kayaks wet, disc golfing, camping/hiking, etc. The bills get paid by making sure Fusion Shows is a smartly run organization.

I can work on those things, and I'll get by. I'm looking into some new nutrition and diet/exercise routines, to lose some of this excess weight, which will make me feel better too. I wish I had the willpower to do the P90X like Nick Diener did. Dude is ripped all of a sudden. 90 days. Man, if only.

So yeah, I guess I should end this blog and start making progress again, eh?